lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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