Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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