she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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