my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
