she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
