Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize