He told me they were just razor bumps!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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