I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
