I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
