Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
