Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
