she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
