You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
