his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
