Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize