A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize