I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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