I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize