Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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