I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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