Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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