I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I got inside last night via doggy door
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
