brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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