"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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