remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize