Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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