Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
