If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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