i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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