i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
