i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They took my balls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
