So drunk its hurt
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
