I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
