That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
