you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
