I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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