You made me cry and you don't even care
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
