We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize