ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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