I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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