i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
