His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
