its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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