i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize