Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
