Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
