I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
