WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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