So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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