Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
