He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is the high leading the old right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
