Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
