you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im drinking this country out of the recession.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
