so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
