please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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