If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
