I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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