Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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